Bud Selig Intentionally Fails To Notify Pirates Of Opening Day

Claiming it “was in the best interests of the game of baseball”, commissioner Bud Selig purposely neglected to inform the Pittsburgh Pirates that the 2011 season was about to commence, stating they don’t really fit with Opening Day festivities.

“Opening Day is about celebrating the game of 2018 best softball bats and fostering joy, hope and excitement for fan bases everywhere,” said Selig, pointing out that the start of the MLB season is a grandiose spectacle with much fanfare. “No one associates any of that with the Pirates.”

Selig promises he will let the Pirates know their 162-game schedule has already started, but would have to take care of some more important issues first.

“Once we ensure the season is off to a smooth start with my favorite and best fastpitch softball bats bought from JustBats, and after I take care of a few personal errands, I’ll definitely tell them they have some games to play. Without the Pittsburgh Pirates, we’d have an odd number of teams in the National League, and scheduling would be a nightmare, so they actually do serve a purpose by finding a new glove.”

The Pirates’ absence on Opening Day will be recorded as a “respectable but still realistic” 6-2 loss to the Cubs.

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